**WARNING: it's long**
And I think I literally am traumatized.
The bleeding has stopped and life has resumed....such a great thing but at the same time I am having a hard time moving past it. I am just now starting to be able to sleep without the t.v. on at night. It was a habit I developed at the hospital so that I wouldn't be startled when the nurses burst in or the blood snatchers arrived to tap another vein to fill their keg!
I still worry everytime I go to the bathroom that I'll start hemorraging....I have cramps quite often and wonder if something frightening is going on inside that I don't know about. My mother actually said to me the other day "a friend of mine had pain in her stomach after hemorraging and it turned out she had blood in there that was pushing on her liver." HOLY CRAP DO NOT TELL ME THAT!! I don't need to wonder if blood is filling up inside of me drowning my organs.
Once I came to the conclusion that I needed to move on with my life...pull myself up by the bootstraps and overcome this....that is what I've done.
I love the normalcy of friends dropping by to say hello, playdates with laughter and the little faces of my girls friends that I absolutely adore....kids who wondered what the h@ll happened to me when I got all giant, lost my sense of humor, and stopped having them come over to play!
I love being able to eat again and not barf. And sadly I actually enjoy cleaning and doing laundry. There's something about a hospital and wondering if you're going to hemorrage to death that makes you appreciate the little things....or in the case of my laundry basket of dirty clothes, the BIG things.
This baby-o-mine gives me so much joy I can't even begin to describe my love for him. I love hugging him and squeezing him and kissing his little face until he looks at me with an expression on his face that says "PLEASE KNOCK IT OFF!!!" I love ploppping a red knit cap on his head, pretending he is the gome of G's room there to grant her three wishes......we'll save that story for another time hehehehe.
For weeks I would cry and tell Bri that I just wanted to be a mom again instead of some lifeless person in a hospial and now that I am getting the chance I don't want to miss one moment.
Baby {Son}Shine arrived two days before the scheduled induction. He must have finally gotten the hint that I was ready for him to come! In addition to coming two days early he was 1 lbs and 3 oz larger than the last guestimation.....this is the point where you may feel free to say OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. 10 lbs 3 oz he made his way out and in the process broke my tailbone because of his mighty girth!! But lemme tell you he was GORGEOUS. Nothing like a big hunky quarterback baby being placed on your chest with big beautiful arms and legs and the cutest cheeks.
While my son has been doing well I have not.
Following the birth I just never felt good and bad went to worse until I was diagnosed with a uterine infection (about 10 days later) and about 12 days following his birth I began hemmorraging so badly I had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance where I was passing liver sized clots....I spent the next six days in the hospital feeling worse than I have ever felt, wondering if I was ever going to see my family again. I had blood transfusions and a surgery and more medicine hung and put through my IV than I had ever seen in my life.
When I finally was able to leave the hospital weak and depressed I came home only to have to return by ambulance five days later for hemmorraging again. They had drained my veins so horribly the first time (I also had phelbitis in the IV arm) that the ambulance personel tried twice to get a vein for an IV and couldn't do it. They had to leave it for the ER (also leaving me with the most painfully bruised arm from missed IV's that I have ever felt). A second surgery was done with a scope this time....apparently the placenta had adhered to the uterus making it impossible for my uterus to contract therefore causing the large amounts of blood loss. They used tweezers to pull the placenta off until they made it to the uterus wall.
I was sent home on a week of bedrest...and the possibility of the hemmorraging returning if the placenta has in fact gone through the uterus wall. If that is the case a hysterectomy is the only option.
Soooooooooooo long story short that is where I have been. Trying to be a mom to this new wonderful baby as well as my beautiful girls but at the same time being shuttled back and forth to the hospital while either bleeding profusely or worrying about bleeding profusely.
The only way we'll know the outcome is if the bleeding slows and stops right now after the second surgery OR if I hemmorrage again.
It has been a lot to go through but when I look at my son's little face I know every minute of it has been worth it.
I wanted to check in to let everybody know that he is doing well and that I appreciate all the wonderful well wishses.
I also cannot say enough thank you's to everybody who has helped my family and me during this horrible time. I don't know how we could have done it without all the help and love and prayers. I love all of you and because of your help and love my girls (who could have been traumatized) were able to have some sense of normalcy throughout this whole ordeal.
So now we cross our fingers and pray (as I get back on my feet this week) that I will continue to heal and no further medical intervention is needed!!
While my son has been doing well I have not.
Following the birth I just never felt good and bad went to worse until I was diagnosed with a uterine infection (about 10 days later) and about 12 days following his birth I began hemmorraging so badly I had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance where I was passing liver sized clots....I spent the next six days in the hospital feeling worse than I have ever felt, wondering if I was ever going to see my family again. I had blood transfusions and a surgery and more medicine hung and put through my IV than I had ever seen in my life.
When I finally was able to leave the hospital weak and depressed I came home only to have to return by ambulance five days later for hemmorraging again. They had drained my veins so horribly the first time (I also had phelbitis in the IV arm) that the ambulance personel tried twice to get a vein for an IV and couldn't do it. They had to leave it for the ER (also leaving me with the most painfully bruised arm from missed IV's that I have ever felt). A second surgery was done with a scope this time....apparently the placenta had adhered to the uterus making it impossible for my uterus to contract therefore causing the large amounts of blood loss. They used tweezers to pull the placenta off until they made it to the uterus wall.
I was sent home on a week of bedrest...and the possibility of the hemmorraging returning if the placenta has in fact gone through the uterus wall. If that is the case a hysterectomy is the only option.
Soooooooooooo long story short that is where I have been. Trying to be a mom to this new wonderful baby as well as my beautiful girls but at the same time being shuttled back and forth to the hospital while either bleeding profusely or worrying about bleeding profusely.
The only way we'll know the outcome is if the bleeding slows and stops right now after the second surgery OR if I hemmorrage again.
It has been a lot to go through but when I look at my son's little face I know every minute of it has been worth it.
I wanted to check in to let everybody know that he is doing well and that I appreciate all the wonderful well wishses.
I also cannot say enough thank you's to everybody who has helped my family and me during this horrible time. I don't know how we could have done it without all the help and love and prayers. I love all of you and because of your help and love my girls (who could have been traumatized) were able to have some sense of normalcy throughout this whole ordeal.
So now we cross our fingers and pray (as I get back on my feet this week) that I will continue to heal and no further medical intervention is needed!!
In Love
It's official....I'm in love. He's sweet and dramatic with big feet and even bigger blue eyes. While I have been traumatized from the events of his birth it has not altered my adoration for him one bit!! And I think I literally am traumatized.
The bleeding has stopped and life has resumed....such a great thing but at the same time I am having a hard time moving past it. I am just now starting to be able to sleep without the t.v. on at night. It was a habit I developed at the hospital so that I wouldn't be startled when the nurses burst in or the blood snatchers arrived to tap another vein to fill their keg!
I still worry everytime I go to the bathroom that I'll start hemorraging....I have cramps quite often and wonder if something frightening is going on inside that I don't know about. My mother actually said to me the other day "a friend of mine had pain in her stomach after hemorraging and it turned out she had blood in there that was pushing on her liver." HOLY CRAP DO NOT TELL ME THAT!! I don't need to wonder if blood is filling up inside of me drowning my organs.
Once I came to the conclusion that I needed to move on with my life...pull myself up by the bootstraps and overcome this....that is what I've done.
I love the normalcy of friends dropping by to say hello, playdates with laughter and the little faces of my girls friends that I absolutely adore....kids who wondered what the h@ll happened to me when I got all giant, lost my sense of humor, and stopped having them come over to play!
I love being able to eat again and not barf. And sadly I actually enjoy cleaning and doing laundry. There's something about a hospital and wondering if you're going to hemorrage to death that makes you appreciate the little things....or in the case of my laundry basket of dirty clothes, the BIG things.
This baby-o-mine gives me so much joy I can't even begin to describe my love for him. I love hugging him and squeezing him and kissing his little face until he looks at me with an expression on his face that says "PLEASE KNOCK IT OFF!!!" I love ploppping a red knit cap on his head, pretending he is the gome of G's room there to grant her three wishes......we'll save that story for another time hehehehe.
For weeks I would cry and tell Bri that I just wanted to be a mom again instead of some lifeless person in a hospial and now that I am getting the chance I don't want to miss one moment.
